my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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