We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
