I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
