he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
