I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
