She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
