omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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