If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
