i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
