is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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