I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
