what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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