I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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