So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
