my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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