I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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