god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
