Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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