let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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