after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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