I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
