My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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