we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She's just so happy...and so naked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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