if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
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