Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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