CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
