i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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