weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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