Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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