FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
