my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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