My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
