I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
