I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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