I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
