Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I cannot find my penis.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
