DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
