we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
