mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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