the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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