you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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