Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
