Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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