It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
