Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
