How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
