she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
