hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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