There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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