They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
