I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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