Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize