During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
