we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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