My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
