note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
