Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
