i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
