I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
