mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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