paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
