I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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