bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
