She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
