If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize