Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize