sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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