tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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