Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
