I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
