and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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