Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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