So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
