If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
