Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
