How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize