i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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