im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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