Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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