In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
